Tips for surviving a Cloverfield style monster attack and Jessica Lucas titties

Here’s a few tips to follow should you ever find yourself in the midst of a Cloverfield style attack.

1. Remain calm put the camera down and for the love of god don’t blindly follow the preppy white boy who just lost his virginity into whatever adventure he embarks on.
2. DO NOT TRY TO OUT RUN A 400 FOOT TALL MONSTER ACROSS THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE.
3. Stop trying to leave the city. Chill out in a basement and wait for monster to leave. Once his food supply runs out he will eventually leave the city for the mid west. That’s where all the fat people live.
4. Sustain yourself on a steady supply of Twinkies, cherry Kool-Aid and ample Jessica Lucas’s titties.
5. Don’t ask the helicopter pilot flying you to safety to try and move in closer to get a better look at the monster.
6. If your girlfriend is stupid enough to try and ride out the monster attack on the 37th floor of a high rise building, she’s shit out of luck.
7. Consider giving Godzilla a call. He may not be too thrilled with the idea of someone ripping off his whole giant monster attacking the city thing.

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